Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
