Welp...herpes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
