this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
how drunk are you?
Several
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
