seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
