ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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