are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
