Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
