Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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