and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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