Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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