Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
