We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
