We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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