Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize