i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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