you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize