ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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