why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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