Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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