LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
