I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
