I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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