I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
