Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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