Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love you. Go after that dick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
