I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize