the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
