My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
