I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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