Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
