I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
