It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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