All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
