everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I will be naked everywhere
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my poor anus
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
