the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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