dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
