Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
