I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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