dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
