my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
