Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
