Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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