I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
