I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
