Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
