he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
