Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
