she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
