apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
