paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
