Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
