Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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