I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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