trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
