he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
