Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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