I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
