so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
