Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
