You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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