so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
