I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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