A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
