Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
