Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
