You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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