I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
