ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
