therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
