Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
