Soap is not a condiment
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
