i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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